Thursday, May 9, 2013

What do you do all day?!

I think there is no worse question to ask a stay-at-home mom (or SAHM, if you like lingo) than "what do you do all day?". No matter how innocently it is phrased, it immediately feels like a personal assault upon my work ethics and my intelligence. I think the average, non-SAHM has visions of peaceful breakfasts followed by children napping while mom enjoys bon-bons during her daily episodes of Chopped and The Doctors. I've never even had a bon-bon! (Have you?) If you ever get asked this question, feel free to refer people to this blog entry, and no matter how much you really want to choke them, try to refrain. However, I'm married to a lawyer, so I've got you covered there too.

If you are wondering why we stay-at-home moms are so exhausted with seemingly little to show for it most days, then take these two examples to heart:

Example 1: Putting on child B's shoes to prepare to go outside to play while waiting for the bus
Step 1: Round up socks and shoes for Child B.
Step 2: Convince Child B to sit still long enough for socks and shoes.
Step 3: Get interrupted by Child A, who says he needs help getting his shoes tight (they are velcro'd and loosely done).
Step 4: Child A also complains his shorts are too big.
Step 5: Go upstairs to find smaller shorts. Decide to carry a full basket of laundry up with you.
Step 6: You are upstairs anyway, so why not put that basket of laundry away? It will only take a minute.
Step 7: Discover that Child A's shirt drawer looks like a tornado went through, and you can't possibly cram another shirt into it in it's present condition. Neaten drawer. Still no room for a few of the out-of-season shirts.
Step 8: Move out-of-season shirts to temporary storage in another part of dresser, displacing in-season shorts.
Step 9: Move shorts into another drawer space.
Step 10: Put away remainder of clothes, taking a moment to lament that Child C's 3mo and 6mo clothes still haven't been sorted out and put into storage (he's 11 mo).
Step 11: take empty basket and smaller shorts downstairs to waiting child, and help him dress for expediency. Tighten shoes.
Step 12: Discover Child B, in the meantime, needs a clean diaper.
Step 13: Change diaper, put on socks and shoes.
Step 14: Head for the door. Stop and go back for caps. Stop and go back for drinks. Stop and go back for sunglasses. Stop and go back for ....  well, you get the picture.

Today was my oldest son's last day of preschool. *sniffle* He's getting so grown up! I thought it would be fun to put in a side-by-side picture of his first day (9-13-12) and last day (5-9-13). Here he is with his younger brother, our second son.



Example 2: Make lunch for self and child
Step 1: Give child reasonable choices. Have all of them rejected.
Step 2: Child hangs on the refrigerator door while you try and make choices sound appealing.
Step 3: Make choices for child, who then immediately wants every other thing you listed besides the ones you have selected.
Step 4: Set up child with lunch at the table. He requests a drink.
Step 5: Search for lost sippy cup. Keep looking; it's there somewhere.
Step 6: Find cup, fill it, and deliver it to child.
Step 7: Begin process of making your own, different lunch ( to accommodate allergies in newest, nursing child).
Step 8: Remember that husband asked you for a special item of clothing for tonight's work-out.
Step 9: Abandon lunch prep and start a load of laundry.
Step 10: Empty dryer and fold that load of laundry.
Step 11: Remember that you were supposed to be eating lunch, and go finish lunch prep.
Step 12: Sit down to write amazing and funny blog post while eating lunch, and discover that Photoshop has stopped working.
Step 13: Spend next 3 hours trying to fix Photoshop. Make sure to stop and nurse youngest child as frequently as humanly possible, and also retrieve the pickle chunk he has abandoned after older child gave it to him.
Step 14: Finally insert picture into blog entry.
Step 15: Congratulate self on a productive day!
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